I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
