you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
