If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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