If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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