Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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