Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
