If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
