You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize