Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
