He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
