:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
