Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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