He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
