90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
