We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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