Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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