a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
