well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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