I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's never too late to be topless.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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