Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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