This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
