I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
