woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize