I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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