so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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