we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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