We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They have beer where we have blood.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize