why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
