Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
