dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
