No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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