I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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