Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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