garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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