Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
