She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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