Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
