Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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