Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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