3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
