So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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