her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think my moral compass just broke
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
