plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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