A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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