On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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