So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
