I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
