Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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