Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
is that a dick in a sweater?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
