i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
