You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think i have two assholes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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