considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
