I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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