u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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