well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
