shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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