so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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