i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
