dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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