finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
