i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
