i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
BRING THE BAGELS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
