Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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