Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize