I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
