We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just had sex bonerless
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
