dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
