I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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