i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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