Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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