We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
