Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
