she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
