there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
