We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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