just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
