he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
