The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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