He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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